A Mother's Love.

~A baby is something you carry inside you for nine months, in your arms for three years and in your heart till the day you die.~

"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of Mother's Love."

My Dearest Ian,

Today, you are two months old. It blows me away that you've been here, outside on this earth for two months already. And then still, you seem so much older than just two months. You're smiling so much, and even giggling a little. I am still getting to know you, but I can't even imagine not having you here with me, as if you always belonged.

A few weeks ago, I began to notice a flat spot beginning to form at the back part of your head. This worries me, because excessive flat spots in infants are linked with brain disorders. I try to give you more "tummy time" throughout the day, but you cry and get frustrated so quickly, that instead, I try to rest your tummy against mine, to comfort you.

I worry, far to much, about you. Especially at night, I worry that the blanket will cover your nose, or the congestion will cause you to stop breathing, and it's hard for me to sleep without one eye open. I blame the age of the internet, when all these articles and websites warn about SIDS, and you can easily try to self diagnose a problem, and immediately think that is what's wrong. For instance, the little red spots on your belly could either be a simple skin irritation, heat rash, strep throat, chicken pox or even the measles. It's very frustration, because while the internet can be your friend, it's also your biggest foe.

Your father sometimes gets frustrated with how much I worry. He wants me to relax, and enjoy you more. And I do enjoy you, so much. But, I also worry.

I hope that when you grow older, my worry will be interpreted into love. Because I always will love you.

Happy two months, baby boy.

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.

My dearest boy,

Nearly 8 weeks have soared past since the day you were born. I will always remember that afternoon so clearly, as if it happened just the day before.



Your father and I were packing up our apartment to move, our lease finished the next day, and I started feeling ill, and called my doctor to be seen immediately. On our way to the hospital, I started having contractions. I was admitted into the hospital at 3:30 PM on Thursday the 30th of July, and 18 hours later, you were welcomed into this world by your father, your godfather, your godmother, and myself. I cried, your father sobbed, and we haven't taken our adoring eyes off you since.



I wanted to start this journal to have a way to document your life, for you to be able to look back on your infant-hood when you are older, to know the love which you were born from, so that this part of your life is never forgotten. I didn't get this as a child, I have only 6 beloved photographs of myself as an infant. I didn't want that for you.



Even though I am young, I am determined to be the best mother you could ever ask for, and though I know I'll make my mistakes, bear with me until I find my way. Know that I will always love you, and whenever you need me, I will be there, whether in spirit or flesh. I carried you for eight and a half months, and that created a special bond that can never be broken. You are a special little boy who will forever hold my heart and soul in the palm of your hand.



A week ago, you smiled at me and your father for the first time, and since then, you haven't stopped. You're even giggling and cooing now! When you look in my eyes and smile as you recognize me, I'm mesmerized... I nearly cry every time. Mushy, I know, but its hard to explain how incredibly beautiful you are.

Being a mother feels utterly unexplainable. It's kind of like feeling elation and terror in one unanimous burst. I love you unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and with joy, but at the same time, I feel the urge to protect you, shelter you from this harmful world, and keep you safe. I pray that the latter never interferes with the former.

Ian, you will always belong in my heart. To me, you are perfect, and I pray that one day, that will be enough for you. To know that those who love you, love you the way you are.

Happy 8 week birthday, Ian Forest.